Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize