I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
