We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
