I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize