Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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