And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
