is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
