it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
