He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
