i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize