Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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