If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Randomize
