There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
