I smell stomach acid.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
