"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
