I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Randomize
