Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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