Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
