when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
