How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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