So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
