What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize
