put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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