I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
We need to rekindle our bromance
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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