i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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