You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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