just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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