her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
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