Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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