All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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