He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
