proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
