Sry I called you an 8
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
