I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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