why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
