thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
