dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
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