Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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