I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
