Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
she told me i tasted like america
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
