I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize