Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Randomize
