My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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