I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
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