Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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