oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
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