I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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