Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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