This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
