I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Randomize
