I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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