He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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