think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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