he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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