I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I would fuck him just for his dog
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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