escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
