Im at strip club and am horny
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
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