Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
