Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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