There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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