i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
