it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
