Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
