My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
