When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize