im drinking this country out of the recession.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
