Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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