The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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