no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
