Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
