Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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