Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
