yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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