I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
