How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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