i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Randomize
