remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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