Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize