oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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