He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
