Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
