Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
It's official drugs can't kill me
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize