So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
he thought i was a dude.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
