You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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