I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
