so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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