we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
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