I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
