So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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