would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Randomize
