Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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