hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
