It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize