I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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