i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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