Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
That accounts for only three of the penises
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
