In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
